girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
