so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
