Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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