today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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