Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
