Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
