Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just pynch a tree in the face
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
this hospital has no fireball
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
