singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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