is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
