Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
