Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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