Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
