i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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