Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
