Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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