I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
