Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
