where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
