it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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