I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm drive I can fine osifer
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Randomize
