Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
