I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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