Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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