I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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