you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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