did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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