I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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