if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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