People with herpes should wear stickers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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