So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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