i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
