he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
