So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
