It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
