dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mom said you looked used
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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