I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
