I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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