peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
