i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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