Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
