Just cropdusted the office
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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