dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
