It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
