i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
