We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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