He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
