There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
