Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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