I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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