Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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