i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
