Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
