my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there was a trapeze. enough said
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
