I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
