I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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