you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sext me about skeletons
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
