Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
