I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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