She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
