my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
