I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
