At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
